In 2007 my confidence collapsed and my heart panted for fullness. My independence, which I held on to so tightly, attached to others. The attitude to do more than exist went to merely existing. I desperately needed to know how to build confidence and courage once again. Have you ever felt this way? Our adversities are not only confusing but paralyzing. However, there are 5 antidotes to help resurrect us.
A little background
My hardship started in September of 2007 with a pregnancy disease that birthed at five weeks and proceeded to torment me for 31 weeks thereafter. During that anguish my skin was pale green, my mind a twisted mess of nausea, and relief was too far to be seen; I was fighting to just exist. Being dependent on others to help me function, let alone trust, made me feel like a failure. Things like I can’t even take care of myselfswarmed my thoughts. Any physical excursion or consumption, or even water, was a cautious and fear-provoked decision. My ribs pierced from wrenching, and dehydration was the foremost threat.
The instant my healthy 7.1-pound baby boy was born, the sickness disappeared. Yet, the mental anguish was far from healing. Have you experienced an event like this in your life? Was it an illness, an unexpected break-up, a massive hit to your bank account, or a loss of something that meant so dear to you? I think the worst of it all is when it’s done, when we think we made it through, after-shocks sucker-punch us with unforeseen triggers we didn’t see coming.
When things don’t go our way
Those days still impress on my psyche today, how can it not? Yet immediately following the birth of my son, the fear of pregnancy halted our family plan. Two years later I knew I had to fight it. I knew I had to give it one more try; after all, every pregnancy is different. This is where I’d like to tell you the second time around was easier, but friend, it was far from that and left our arms empty. I have a post on infertility if you want to read it.
Answers to ‘how was I going to recover my confidence and courage’ slowly inflated my hope. Those answers didn’t come from a special diet, therapist, or medical doctor. The true answers came from one source, Jesus.
You see when I prayed before our second pregnancy, I didn’t hear a “Yes” as I did with our first. With our first baby, my husband and I waited eight years before I drummed up the courage to even pray about it. And when I did pray, I heard a clear “Yes!” But the second go around, I heard a solid “No”. Of course, I didn’t want to believe it, a no to another child? That doesn’t make sense! So I took my destiny into my own hands. And it didn’t turn out as planned…
Bit by bit I had to rebuild my confidence and courage using my anguish as building blocks and my faith as mortar. Jesus didn’t come down from a cloud and profoundly say, “You are healed, child”. I certainly would have accepted that if He did! It was through His followers who physically passed His love on. He used other people in subtle ways to comfort my broken heart and body. Jesus equips us to love, and honestly, that’s all he wants us to do, is love. In 1 Corinthians 13:7-8 Paul says, “It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” (NIV)
I needed to not only learn to lovewho I am now, but I needed to learn how to use love to become the confident and courageous person I sought to be. Moving from just existing to living a life of fullness isn’t about accomplishing amazing feats or earning a special degree, and so forth; it’s about loving others the way Jesus does. It sounds easy, but it’s the doing that’s hard.
Since God is
love. Who do you think we need to connect with to learn how to love? Rick Warren says, “When you are disconnected from God, you’re not really
living; you just exist.”
So, how do we connect with our Heavenly Father? How do we hear clear answers? I go to church. I pray. Isn’t that connecting? Yes, friend, it is. But some easy additions can lead us to live a do-more-than-exist kind of life that will naturally build confidence and courage. Let me share with you what I have learned so far in this journey:
1. Emotion
When clarity is the question, I don’t hold the emotion back. I pray with strong emotion, whether it be anger, sadness, joy, or excitement. Expressing it to Him helps keep things real. Emotion develops a relationship with Him, a trust. Getting together with God will help him show you how to build confidence.
2. Music
Listening, singing, humming, and dancing to music that is good for our souls, brings us closer to our Creator. In this day and age Christian music isn’t just hymns. It has developed to feed all our genres. The writers and bands have done a great job at helping us fend off the Enemy and open our hearts for answers and comfort. Give it a try. I really enjoy praying and listening to instrumental music. My favorite is Soaking in His Presence.
3. Nature
Our beloved Anne Frank says, “The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely, or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quite alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that God wishes to see people happy amidst the simple beauty of nature. …I firmly believe that nature brings solace in all troubles.”
Numerous studies show that… simply sitting and looking at the trees reduces stress-related hormones. And the University of Minnesota says there’s “a growing prevalence of depression caused by ‘nature deprivation.” Maybe we should think about spending more time in God’s creation. Here are some nature quotes to get you in the mindset.
4. Church
There is something to be said about being around other Christ-followers. It’s kind of like a family reunion. Being surrounded by a common denominator encourages us, comforts us, and brings us closer to Him. We all have the same goal so to speak. The hard part is finding a church that fits you and your worship style. Keep hunting until you find it, you’ll know when you found it.
5. Gratefulness
How to build confidence? Being grateful changed my game. For me to love myself and to pass the love on to others, I had to learn how to be grateful even when it didn’t make sense. Gratefulness brought me out of adversity. Before we move forward, understand I’m not grateful for the hardships we face in life. I’m talking about the little things that surround us, those things we don’t even notice; like clean water out of our faucets, cozy beds to rest our bodies, medical help at our fingertips, and grocery stores to feed us. I’m talking about the love He gives us in delicate ways like music, flowers, and comforting smells.
Yet, what about those moments when you step out and help someone? When you smile at someone even though you don’t feel like it…and they smile back? Sometimes to get what we want we have to give it first. I’m grateful for those promptings where we use our gifts to brighten someone’s day even when our life is a mess. It takes courage and confidence to make those things happen. And I’m grateful for the time He gives us and the freedom to choose how to use it, especially if it involves our calling.
In conclusion of how to build confidence
If you’re hurting for confidence in a specific area of your life I encourage you to begin with being thankful for each comfort you receive every day. When we recognize the little things, the small achievements, the flickers of love passed hand to hand, our courage and confidence surface and we begin to see what life is all about…love.
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Have you wondered how to start volunteering? I’ve got 4 great tips to help you succeed with your helping hand. But first, let’s reminisce. Have you caught yourself saying, “Oh, someone else will do it.”? We all know volunteering is essential for our charities, religious organizations, pancake breakfasts, environmental cleanups, and schools to name a few. And we all know we SHOULD volunteer for something, right? But why at times (not all the time) do we see volunteering as a daunting task?
Here’s an interesting volunteering scenario
Let’s say you’re at…a magic show. The stage backdrop is black, the fog machine creates mystery, and the magician stands with a power pose and says, “I need a volunteer!” Eyebrows raise. Hands pop up. Voices chirp, ‘pick me, pick me’!
Let’s say you’re at…church. The stage backdrop is black, the fog machine softens the ambiance, and the Pastor stands with a power pose and says, “I need volunteers”. No one moves, some eyeballs roll, and then…there’s a cough.
A little different isn’t it? Many people use the excuse of time. “I don’t have time”. I’ve used it, I’m guilty. But is that really the case? I wish it was…but if there’s something you REALLY want to do, you’ll make time for it. So what gives? Let’s start with the logical answer: Interest. If you’re not attracted to the task at hand; you’re not going to raise your hand for it.
Tip #1: Just say ‘No’?
Just say no. We don’t want to volunteer to create stress! Well, friends, this is when you can practice it. Say what? I’m not encouraging you to NOT volunteer for stuff; I’m cheering you on to volunteer for stuff you ENJOY. Let me explain: if you don’t like the outdoors, then don’t volunteer to plant trees. If you aren’t a toddler-time kind of person, then don’t volunteer in the kid’s wing. If you hate the smell of pancakes, then don’t volunteer at the pancake breakfast. It’s okay! They don’t want you there. No one likes a grumpy volunteer or worse yet to hear how much you hated it.
When you enjoy a task at hand you do a better job, you have fun, and you make in difference in more ways than one. Now that’s rocket science, people. Having an interest in what you’re giving your time and attention to creates joy. BUT WAIT, there’s an exception to this ‘no’ thing: if you don’t know if you’ll like it, then totally do it! What a great way to test it out.
Tip #2: Get to the volunteer destination
Do you ever say, ‘when I’m there, I’m good”? I have had dozens of experiences where I didn’t want to go but was grateful after I got there. But even when I’m volunteering for something I know I’ll enjoy, I STILL have to make an effort to hurdle the couch, forgo the beach, and ignore the ‘to-do’ list. How to fix this obstacle? Think about the end first. Ask yourself, “How am I going to feel when I’m done?” I bet you will have more courage and confidence! Then focus on that.
Another way to look at it is to put yourself in the receiver’s shoes and ask yourself if you were them, how would you want to be treated? Would you like someone to not help you because they were into their Netflix series?
Tip #3: But I’ll be all alone…
I have a hard time pampering this one because I’m an advocate for embarking on the unknown without knowing anyone. Why? Because you learn a tremendous amount about your character when alone. Questions like ‘Who am I?’ and ‘Who do I want to become?’ get an opportunity to plant a seed in you. It’s like searching for a piece of a puzzle. You know the piece is somewhere on the table; the hard part is finding it. But when you do find it, a small flutter happens and you get to see a little bit more of the big picture. So here it goes friends, “Suck it up and go.” Who cares if you go solo, there are people there in the same boat.
Have fun. Remember who you’re working for, the Big Man upstairs. Help with a smile on your face. Nothing is worse than seeing someone help you in disgust. How does that make you feel when a grouchy person is helping you? I just wanted to remind you of that.
Also, this is super important. In knowing how to start volunteering you must go in without expecting a lot in return, you may not even get a thank you, so prepare yourself for that. They are grateful, but they might not know how to show it or say thank you.
4 reasons why volunteering is so important
There are several reasons with a bunch of explanations behind them, let’s check some out:
Assist those who need it…the less fortunate, the disabled, the elderly, and the young.
Create connections. Network.
Experience wellness. Studies have shown that volunteering helps boost self-confidence, and personal satisfaction, and even helps combat anxiety.
Career enhancement. Want to try a new career path before jumping headfirst? Volunteering gives you a taste without any waste. It’s a way to get your foot in the door.
Everyone deserves a smile, a thank you, and a helping hand. Seeing appreciation from the faces of the people I help is priceless and brings wealth to my heart. Be a success, and challenge yourself to help one person in the next seven days.
Wrapping up how to start volunteering
To sum up, how to start volunteering, you just gotta start somewhere. Without volunteers we DO get divided, we do fall. Think about those events at church, school, or the community center. It’s the volunteers who are the real Musketeers. Next time you hear the word ‘volunteer’, stay tuned to your instincts and pay attention to what you enjoy. Say ‘no’ when you need to and ‘yes’ when you want to. You’ll make an impact on not only the people you’re serving but on the bigger picture.
How to fight stress is something we need to address every day. Stress can make us do funny things with our actions, words, and even our bodies. Stress is something we live with minute by minute, and not all stress is bad, but we need to find ways how to fight stress when it is harmful to us. Through personal experience, I’ve found some stress fighters packed with a punch. They’re so simple that ANYONE can do it TODAY and get results immediately.
Stress happens
Stress can be sneaky or it can be a slap in the face. My face stung after I accidentally deleted my entire website. The uninvited hot, prickly stress wave crashed on my face when I saw ‘File Not Found’. It’s in these stressful moments when we start talking out loud to ourselves, “WHAT THE? NO!!”
Building my own website and blog was my choice. I wanted the challenge and I wanted a little control…guilty! Doing something like this requires time, perseverance, learning, failing, trying again, and creativity. It has been a journey of gratifying moments and ‘oh crap’ sessions. That night was one of those “Why am I doing this?” sessions. One accidental click, GONE! There have been times when I just want to give up, but something inside of me says, “Come on Christy, keep moving forward, this will matter someday”.
Stress is like a leech that won’t detach.
Stress saps the life out of us. So how do we manage this life-sucking Jabba the Hutt from our bodies? First of all, I hate leeches. Years ago I went on a fishing trip in the Boundary Waters of Minnesota. It was an amazing trip, but guess what we used as bait? Leeches! I screamed every time I TRIED to bait my hook. The leech latched onto my finger…not cool! Do you think vigorous shaking of my hand and screaming got the leech off? Leeches don’t have ears. My husband had to pull it off for me… every time.
What if we could see stress attached to our bodies? We’d probably do a better job at managing it or at least knowing how to manage stress. Stress is the cause of many ailments. It’s because cortisol, the stress hormone, has a heyday in our bodies. Chronic high levels of cortisol contribute to IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome), heart disease, anxiety, high blood pressure, hormonal imbalances, autoimmune disorders, sleep disturbances, and the list goes on. Those health ailments you are dealing with might be because of stress…just saying it’s very possible.
Are your stress fighters working?
The way to detach stress is to naturally fight back with things that decrease those levels, right? Easier said than done. So get this…some people will use things to manage their stress that causes MORE stress! I’m talking about eating a pint of ice cream, sugar-filled gluten-rich desserts, a bag of salty snacks, alcohol, smokes, or pills. Sure, in the short run, those things might help numb the issue; but in the long term, the leech is feasting on those inflammatory substances. All those foods inflame your innards. Without awareness or portion control, that inflammation can lead to physical issues = STRESS! It’s a vicious cycle. Believe me, I know!
Back to my website for a second. I wanted to fix my website immediately. But all I could do at that moment was intertwine my fingers and pray. I needed someone to pull the leech off. So why not ask God? As calmly as I could I prayed, “Dear Gracious God…wait a second, OH GOD. AH! I DELETED MY WEBSITE!! HELP ME FIGURE THIS OUT. PLEASE! AMEN.” Not the best prayer, but who is judging?
My Awakening
It felt as if my fingertips went numb. Whoa, what is happening to me? God is that you? An angelic song filled my house as divine power struck my body. Light beams shot out of my fingertips. I started levitating. Wait. Wait. That’s Beauty & the Beast. See how stress can make you think of funny things. As much as I wanted the Beauty and the Beast resurrection, I knew it wasn’t in the plan. God did answer my prayer, but in a way I didn’t expect. He nudged me to move.
Christy, manage the stress, before managing the problem. I closed my eyes; inhaled a deep breath and exhaled slowly. I was afraid to touch the keyboard, so I took that as a sign to step away. My desire to go outside to sit next to my favorite tree was unstoppable. Strange? Eh. Kind of. But with good reason…
According to the New York State Department of Environmental Conservation, spending even just five minutes around trees or in green spaces helps lower blood pressure, reduces stress, improves mood, instills focus, accelerates healing, increases energy, and improves sleep. And you wonder why I craved to get outside…
The article goes on to say, “Numerous studies show that… simply sitting looking at the trees reduces…stress-related hormones… Looking at pictures of trees has a similar, but less dramatic, effect.” Get outdoors and if you can’t sit imagine you are in nature.
I trusted that instinct and sat next to my blue spruce, whom I named Bruce. Its soft yet firm pine needles combed my sweaty palms. The sky was black and peppered with stars. My body relaxed. Heart quieted. I was reminded of how big our world was and how I was making this little mistake bigger than the world! Within a matter of minutes, a calm came over me. “Hi God, it’s me again… thanks for getting me outside. I needed that.”
How to manage stress: 5 stress fighters most people forget
#1 Admit it. Say, “I’m stressed out. ___ is causing my stress.”
#2 Say a prayer… Your Creator may need to remind you of something.
#3 Find your happy OUTDOOR place and go there… the beach, woods, prairie, park, yard…Go barefoot a.k.a “Earthing” and SMILE.
#4 Create an environment that promotes peace. Pictures of the beach, mountains, trees, sunrise, a garden…whatever nature scene speaks to you. Put a picture or two in your office, cubical, or wallet. Have it handy.
#5 Incorporate an outdoor recess at work or home, whether it’s exercising, reading the paper, walking the dog, playing with the kids, a lunch break, or just getting outside.
In conclusion
This may sound too simple, but you’ll find it’ll make a BIG impact. The next morning I mended my website mishap. It so happened, that I found a backup on the server. But I wouldn’t have been able to figure that out without a clear head, a good night’s sleep, and a little time outside with my trees. Do your existence a favor, get outside. When you feel stressed, experiment and go outside for 10-20 minutes and see what happens to your stress level.
Before you go, check out these other posts about stress:
How to live your dream life starts with looking at one word in a completely different way, this one thing can be a huge game-changer in how you move forward. To help paint this picture let’s look at a movie.
In 2018 the movie I Can Only Imagine debuted and has made over $85 million. The song I Can Only Imagine hit radio stations 19 years earlier. The story behind the song is based on the life of the songwriter, Bart Millard. When the movie came out, I personally thought it would be a boring movie. Two years later, I finally watched it and my emotional response shocked me.
Why did the movie grab me so much?
In the summer of 2020, I was in a funk with the rest of the COVID world. We had just come off a 3-week vacation camping at a nearby campground…needless to say I needed a vacation after the vacation.
As I was flipping through movie options my finger stopped at “I Can Only Imagine”; it’s Sunday, so why not watch a Christian movie?
The crazy thing about this specific movie was how emotional I found myself. My heart was jumping from one character to another. One minute I was sad for Bart, and the next I was upset about his mom. I was sad his dad was so confused. Then my heart ached for his dad when he was trying to figure out the Bible on his own. And then back to Bart of how he heard from God and pursued to live his dream life. But what was I really crying about?
The lie holding you down from your dream life
Deep emotions surfaced from my own past, and as I peered closer to the anchor which has kept me down, I saw a four-letter word written on it. Through my blurred teary eyes the word “can’t” became clear.
“You Can’t”
Throughout my life, I have heard “you can’t” from people I love and respect, from people I have trusted, and mostly from myself. With ideas and dreams I’ve shared, I was hopeful for encouragement and instead got, “That’s silly”, “You know how hard you’d have to work?”, “You don’t want to do that”, “Do you even qualify to do that?”… “You can’t”… these words were not only verbally spoken, but the Enemy whispered them in my ear as well. These people responded saying, “Don’t even try”.
Not only did I hear it from my family and friends, but I heard it in the media. “You can’t do that without this.” “You can’t lose weight without this system and support team.” And the list goes on.
To add more shine to the word “can’t”, my body was telling me I can’t! My digestive system got so messed up that I was unable to eat a “normal” diet. I have to think about what to order at a restaurant and make sure it’s safe for me to eat. Other ailments loitered and set up camp for months and then years crippling my ability to sit for long periods and walk without pain.
I was starting to believe I couldn’t do the things I had ideas about. It felt like no one took me seriously or believed in me…even me. Do you know what that’s like?
Keep moving forward
As I reflected on the movie and looked closer at the word “can’t” I realized something. As you know some people get motivated when other people tell them they can’t do something. The next thing you know they’ve achieved that very dream someone told them they couldn’t do! Not all people are like that, but maybe that can change right now. I want you to take a close look at the configuration of the word “can’t”. What do you see?
This movie showed me something I’ve missed for so many years. If you want to l live your dream life, the next time someone says you can’t, look at the letters of the word and be reminded of Philippians 4:13. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Gift for you!
Here’s a little gift for you to help you believe in yourself. Download my 30 favorite affirmations right now. And for more freebies head over to my freebies page and unlock numerous resources to get you moving forward.
If you haven’t seen the movie yet, I encourage you to watch it or watch it again, you may experience a breakthrough!
If you want to know how to be more creative it starts with understanding the purpose of creativity. How to be creative is meant to be yourself. Taping into our God-given talents and abilities helps us naturally be creative. A big part of how to be creative is permitting yourself to let go of the world and unlock the abilities God gave you. Doing that can be scary, however, getting the right frame of mind might help ease you into your creative side. Holley Gerth, the Christian author, said it perfectly, “Your dream is a gift God gives you. What you make of it is your gift to Him.” This involves creativity!
Don’t get discouraged in how to be creative
I’ll never forget when I was 10 years old; I reached for the flour in an overhead cupboard. My fingertips were millimeters away from the canister. One… more… bit… CRASH! I was successful in getting the flour down, but it wasn’t in the canister. I stood there and sulked as my older sister laughed at me and called me “Casper”. Creativity can get messy.
Back then my dream was to become a baker. I loved baking cookies, muffins, and quick breads. Mixing simple ingredients with my signature twist was so fun. Unfortunately, it’s harder for me to bake these days. Since I’ve gone gluten-free it makes it more challenging to bake, but I still try and experiment with what I have. 🙂 My baking dream might have gotten messy with my diet restrictions but it hasn’t terminated my need to create.
How to know if you’re being creative
One way to know when you are using your creative side is when you lose track of time. It’s those moments in between clock numbers when you truly feel alive. Whether it’s cookies, a garden, a writing piece, or simply drawing a picture on your child’s lunch sack. It’s gratifying to see what your creativity can create.
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Creativity isn’t just for fun. Creative thinking can solve problems, help us perform better at our jobs, help with depression, and help make a difference in people’s lives. Look at music, art, dance, and literature… what are those talents trying to do? Matthew Barnet has a great answer from his book, The Cause Within You.
He says, “Fulfilled artists do not paint or sculpt for the sake of creating more art. They do it to move people and challenge them to see the world differently. “
The scary part about creativity
From CreatingMinds.org they say our creativity fades away when we don’t use it. As in the Bible, it says, “You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything…” Matthew 5:13. (NIV)
In our busy lives, it’s important to take a time out to be creative; and to take a small step in becoming the unique person we were intended to be not just for ourselves, but for the sake of others. More importantly, using our creativity is an excellent way to love God! He gave you the ability and talent, use it to give thanks to Him.
All in all
The creativity flame still glows in us. Feed the fire within. There is no better time to get our hands busy; our minds will love it, our hearts will feel good, and we may spark something in someone’s minutes.
