Anger management tips are not fun words, but words to take seriously. If someone tells you that you have anger issues, they are… unfortunately…probably on to something. So how do we control our tempers before they erupt? I have three simple ways to turn our lion into a lamb.
Anger comes to the party
Let’s start this off with a good old definition of what anger is. According to Dictionary, anger is a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility. Did someone come to mind when you read that definition? Childhood foe? Co-worker? If not, then this person could be you! Anyway…
It seems that every January starts with an unexpected visit from a lion who sets up camp. This wasn’t one of those sleepy lions, this cat was roaring. A New Year, a fresh start, and WHAM, my 2019 was faced with my first of many challenging days. This is 2019, I’m not talking about 2020, 2021, or even the Detroit Lions game against Dallas in 2024!
My anger management was being tested and I was on the verge of taking the gloves off. Normally, if it were just one issue I would handle it pretty well, but anger-hungry events kept happening. As I look back at this year, I feel it prepared me for the years to come. So how can we transform a lion into a lamb? I have a few anger management tips that will work and have you lying in green pastures!
What’s up with Diet Coke?
Let me give you a taste of how January 2019 went along. Below-freezing temperatures hit our area, we had no school for eight days in one month! On one of those days, my son and I were chatting on the couch when suddenly we heard an explosion from the garage, “What was that?”. My mind quickly questioned ‘Was someone breaking in? Where was the gas can? Did a tire pop?” As we peered, ever so slowly, into the garage we were welcomed with a light brownish slush on our screen door. The garage smelled a little sweet. Hmm. As I turned the light on, my eyes widened at the car, garage ceiling, recycle bins, and even our boots. This brownish, familiar smell stuff had exploded everywhere. Yep, I guess that’s what happens to a 2-liter of Diet Coke when it freezes.
The test
It was at that moment I decided to practice my reaction to this roar, “All you can do is clean up the mess. Just do it and move on. Getting mad is not going to fix it.” I shut the door and stood there for a second. “At least it’s frozen”, I said to my son. I grabbed my stocking hat, tightened my scarf, and went to work.
Later that afternoon I was craving a Diet Coke slushie. After I went through the car wash I went to the store and got one. The funny thing was as I backed out of my parking spot, someone else backed up too…we met in the middle…crunch; hmm. My soul took a deep breath in and out, and my inner voice said, “Okay Christy. No one was hurt. There is no car damage. These things happen. Learn from this, and then move on.” This is just one example of one day I had that January.
Anger Management Tips from Lion to Lamb
Even though January was a bit rough, in hindsight, I’m actually glad it all happened. It’s usually through the bad stuff where we grow the most, no? The salty season reminded me that I have values and morals. I have goals. And I have a family who loves me after a bad day…month…LOL. But that’s not all this lion-of-a-month taught me. He taught me how to transform him into a lamb.
Every week was peppered with dire events: work difficulties, health issues, relationship misunderstandings, car problems, communication predicaments, extreme weather conditions, and big decisions to name the least. I regularly thought about the superstition that bad things happen in threes, but there were more than three! “What’s going on?” It kind of felt like I was in a boxing ring dodging punches; then I’d get an uppercut to the gut and a hook to the nose. My opponent would then roar like a lion and stand over my body. Okay, maybe not that intense, but I needed to fight back with class.
Tip 1 – Name the Lion
The first trick to fighting the urge to blow your top is to notice it. Identify it.Give the feeling a name: Doubt, Insecurity, Frustration, Unfairness, Confusion, or whatever it is. No one likes to call these out, but it helps to pinpoint the issue. What exactly are you upset about? Are you mad at a person or are you upset about this person’s behavior? Do you have chronic physical pain? Are you sick and exhausted? Is your work stressing you out? Feeling overwhelmed? Family drama?
Pay attention to what is going on around you, not to sulk in your despair, but to put a stop to it! What exactly is happening? Why is it affecting you so much? Can you name it? In my instance in this particular case, it had been cloudy for weeks, sickness everywhere, bills coming in, and goals were strapped for time. On the not-so-obvious note, my hormones were haywire, my values were compromised, and people-pleasing got the best of me. But when I named why I was getting angry, I could then fight back with the right punches.
Anger Management Tip 2 – Focus
The second tip for anger management is knowing the pace. The frequency of these downers was happening one right after the other. My thinking immediately shifted from rolling it off my back to what was coming next? This can be looked at as a good thing and a bad one. The good help with being alert, ready to act, and prepared for the not-so-fun. The bad taints perspective. It’s like we’re looking for the grim so we see the grim. Here’s the trick with the good and the bad: what you focus on is what you’ll see the most of, pace yourself.
3 – Skill. Train the Lion
When it comes to anger management tips, this tip is like a tip on steroids. Skill in managing your emotions is a must, and yes, it is a skill! How are we handling the situation? This skill needs to be continuously worked on. My awareness of how I managed these troubles became clear to me. Some I did well with, others…um…I could have done better. I don’t like to admit I blew some things out of proportion, but gosh, it happens to all of us. So how do we train and master the skill of anger management?
Here are 7 techniques:
Understand the triggers. Have a plan of how you’d like to react. Play it over in your head and practice.
Use this opportunity to better yourself, not to hurt others, but to strengthen your character. Get to know who you are.
Flip the switch and focus on the good things. Seriously write down or discuss at the dinner table what good things happened that day.
Turn to God. He might be trying to get your attention or even protecting you from something worse. Yes, spiritual warfare happens. Fight off the Enemy with God’s armor, Ephesians 6:13-17. It also helps to call the enemy out on it, “STOP! Away from me!” Jesus did, why wouldn’t it work for us? Ask Jesus to help you.
If you don’t have someone you can trust to vent to, write in a journal. Get it out.
Give your mind a break and your body a good sweat. Exercise helps your brain be more creative and it kicks in your problem-solving skills. Not to mention, exercise helps relieve stress. Here are 10 Breakthrough Tips on how to reduce stress in your life.
Distract your thoughts. Again, get your mind on something else that keeps you busy for a while. It gives you time to regroup.
Practicing these training techniques over and over again will help us see lions as lambs. Give’r a try and keep moving forward.
Ironically, during the latter half of the month, my husband heard on the radio that the third Monday in January is called “Blue Monday”. Apparently, a university professor used a formula to calculate the most depressing day of the year. WHAT?! The date was calculated by these factors: poor weather, debt level, post-Christmas blaa, time since failing our New Year’s resolutions, and low motivation levels. You can see the formula here. After my husband told me that news I felt SO MUCH BETTER! Light bulb moment here: I wasn’t alone. And maybe that’s all we need to know when going through a lion season…we’re not alone.
In conclusion: anger management tips
Anger management may be kind of embarrassing, but taking the steps to know how to handle the triggers will not only help you have more peace in life, but it’s also better for your heart, relationships, and self-confidence. These tips are to be practiced over and over again, so that next time a challenging and tempting situation comes up, you’ll know just what to do to keep your cool. Keep moving forward and pay attention to what sets you off.
Save money on grocery shopping every time you shop. Let’s get to be better shoppers so when inflation hits we’re not going hungry. I’ve got seven surefire ways that will help you to know how to grocery shop and save money. It’s not just coupon clipping anymore. You’ll be amazed at how much you save by making these simple adjustments. Let’s jump right in.
7 ways to save on food
1 – Join store membership
One of the ways I save money on meals is to join the store membership. One of my stores kicks back $7.00 after I reach a certain goal. They also have online coupons. Not to mention member-only specials! And you can even shop and scan with the app. These memberships offered at your store may know your buying habits, but you’ll save money using them.
2 – Buy what’s in season
Another way I save is to adjust my menu with what is growing in season. For squash dishes, I delay until fall and early winter. Strawberry pie is a March and April thing. There are lots of options. Big shout-out to farmers to make this all happen. Thank you, farmers! Here is a quick guide to knowing what fruits and veggies are in season so you know when you’re getting the best deal on them. Download my In-Season guide now.
3 – Go to different stores
A third trick is to go to different stores to get the best price. For instance, the coconut milk ice cream I buy isn’t on sale at my normal store, but it is on sale at my secondary store. This may be a lot of running around, so you’ll have to decide whether it’s worth the gas, but I find this technique helpful. I have about five go-to stores to get the best deals. But how do you remember where you got what? You can downloadWhere I Buy Memory Guideand tuck it in your planner or handbag. Now you’ll never have to remember where you got what again!
4 – Buy store brand
Buy store brand. There is not much difference in taste and quality from name-brand goods to store brands. Plus you can save a substantial amount of money. Next time you’re at the store see for yourself and compare brand name prices with store brand.
5 – Watch the ingredients
Watch the ingredients! Yes, you can save money by reading the nutrition label. How? Some food manufacturers use ingredients that are addictive, like High Fructose Corn Syrup (HFCS) and MSG…not to mention salt and just plain sugar. When you eat more, you buy more of it! Steer clear of HFCS and MSG they could be triggers for your indigestion. I know they’re tasty but they don’t do you any favors from a wallet and health perspective.
Don’t skimp on the protein. Sure some proteins can be expensive, but so are second helpings and snacking! When our bodies don’t get the protein we’re then hungry all the time, which can lead to overeating, weight gain, and crankiness…yes, carbs do that. Make a point to eat some protein at every meal. To save even more money, buy protein in bulk at a membership store like Costco or Sam’s. Be sure to look at the price per unit to make the best decision.
Sources of protein include nuts, dairy (unless you’re sensitive), seeds, chicken, fish, pork, beef, turkey, tempeh (soy), quinoa, broccoli, and lentils.
7 – Forget the delivery shopping
I know this is a luxury, but it’s not necessary to survive. Prices using this service go up at least 10% per item. Then you have the annual dues, not to mention the tip for the shopper. And, yes, you need to tip your shopper or your delivery person. When you go to the store yourself stick to your grocery list, with no exceptions. Eat a snack before you leave home or work so you’re not hungry while you shop. Going to the store yourself will allow you to check the freshness of produce and meat, plus it will give you a chance to choose healthier options, read labels, and discover new products; not to mention, to get out and interact with your local grocery store.
In conclusion
When it comes to knowing how to save money grocery shopping, use your head, not your stomach. Know ahead of time how much you have to spend. Understand what meals you need to cover in the week ahead. Study the grocery store deals. You can save money grocery shopping by making just a couple of simple adjustments.
Check out these other great posts on how to save and manage money:
Let me help you to know how to be less busy by avoiding this one mistake people make. But before I do, can you relate? Every year I say to myself, “I can handle May and June; “busy” won’t overtake me. I’m prepared for it.” But when that time hits all the neat and tidy thoughts explode into chaos. Seriously! What am I doing wrong? The answer to this question is not what I’m doing right or wrong, the answer sits before my action.
Is being busy good or bad?
Some people see “busy” as a badge, and some see it as a heavyweight. And if you’re like me, I like to be busy… it’s fun for me…most of the time. But in May and June, it’s no joke; I am too busy to enjoy ‘busy’. Sometimes I feel like someone should slap me in the face and say, “Get a hold of yourself Christy!” There are probably a lot of personal issues going on in this paragraph, but that’s a different post.
Since the 2019-2022 pandemic working from home has become the norm. Balancing work and parenting, let alone, being a pet parent was super challenging! It was tough knowing how to manage our time. We need to pay the bills, yet we want healthy family relations.
If busyness goes into the supper and evening hours and keeps you from having daily family time, then you may want to address your schedule; especially if you have little kiddos running around. Your health and well-being are also a top priority. If your body is reacting to the pace of life in a bad way, then back off on the busyness. Other than that, being busy is good for your sanity, it helps strengthen brainpower (got to be on your toes), and it helps you have greater self-confidence (use those talents and abilities you have!).
What causes us to be busy?
Right now I’m supposed to tell you that I choose to live in the moment. I am skipping down the sidewalk smelling the lilacs, singing the words Carpe Diem, and hosting a butterfly on my shoulder. Yeah, that’s…not…happening. Yes, I want to smell the lilacs, yes I want to change the world, yes I want to love on my family, and yes I want to get things done for the church, the community, my job, and the school fundraisers…yes, yes, yes! Um…hmm…so…this is when you see me draw circles in the dirt with my toe. Yep. I just realized what’s been happening. “Yes.”
It’s my fault I’m busy. My expectations and the make-believe expectations others have for me weaken my stance. The answer to ‘what am I doing wrong’ sits on one of two words: YES or NO. I need to pick one when someone asks me something. More importantly, I need to pick one when I ask myself something.
#1 Mistake People Make
The chaotic feeling and the stressful outbursts happen due to your personal values not lining up. Values? According to Dictionary.com, values are a person’s principles or standards of behavior; one’s judgment of what is important in life. Let me ask you this, do you know what your values are? Have you ever really thought about it?
If we want to be true to ourselves, values hold a lot of weight. So check this out, if people could use their values as a guide to their ‘yes’ or ‘no’, as a gauge of how they are managing their time, then life would be so much more enjoyable, don’t cha think? Isn’t that what we’re after? Joy? Then why is it so hard to use our values? Why have I collapsed over and over again? Because I FORGOT to use my values to hold me up. I forgot! This was my #1 mistake! I needed to know more about myself.
If you were a knight geared up for battle, what piece of equipment protects you from arrows? What piece of equipment gives you a little more confidence when running towards the battlefield? Do you remember that scene in the movie 300 when all the soldiers used their shields to protect themselves? That’s what values do. Values are shields.
Wrapping up how to be less busy
I wrote this post to remind you to not lose sight of your values, and to put your values in front of your YES or NO. And to not forget the power and protection that values hold. Young eyes are watching you, show them how to live a happy life.
Head to my Freebies for a Personal Values Exercise to help you define your values. This is one of the BEST exercises you can do for yourself. It’s fun! Download it now in Freebies.
When we look at our children we can easily think they don’t have any stress. We might say, “What possibly could they be stressed out about?” Kids have stress, just like us. It might look different, but they do, and knowing how to relieve it can be confusing for them, even for us adults. No wonder stress is the #1 cause of illness and ailments. Reduce stress strategies are sure to help. You may be surprised at what you find out!
Who is Stress?
Think of it this way, whenever we have something important to us get compromised or threatened, ‘Stress’ comes to visit. Let me refer to stress as a person for a second, Mr. Stress. When things don’t go according to our plan, Mr. Stress welcomes himself into our home. When there are projects and deadlines to be met Mr. Stress sees an opportunity to break-in and steal. Hear me out, projects and deadlines aren’t bad, they’re actually super good, what is bad are the distractions that keep us from achieving those goals. And it’s the distractions, when not managed well, that act as precursors to our foe, Mr. Stress.
Mr. Stress can cause memory issues, sore throats, and digestive tracts havoc to name a few. That’s only a few headaches he causes. What happens at this moment is that Mr. Stress wakes up a hormone in our body called cortisol. Cortisol is the ‘bad stress hormone’. So what do we do?
Awareness is critical
Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Nobody can bring you peace but yourself.” The very first step to ignoring Mr. Stress is to be aware of his triggers. This year I was on a quest to destroy my cortisol feeders. Awareness helps us recognize the cord before it is struck. With awareness, we will then know what circumstance to avoid or to mentally prepare for. On a personal level, I needed to kick Mr. Stress out, so my plan was to simply pay attention to the little things, because the little things add up, and then do something about them. Be sure to check out this post on: How to Reduce Stress in Your Life: 10 Breakthrough Tips
The step-counters. At first, I found it curious. But then it became an obsession. I had to reach my 10,000 steps or it wasn’t a good day. This equaled a DISTRACTION for me. My fix? I took it off and just made a mental note of how much I walked.
Social Media. “I’ll just check it”, then 45 minutes later I’m like “What just happened?” Another DISTRACTION. My fix? I set a timer or don’t check it at all.
My purse. Wow, this was stressing me out. My purse was awkward on my shoulder. It was too slippery…yes, slippery. Too HEAVY! Not organized. Weird zipper. I had no idea how much of a DISTRACTION my purse was. My fix? I changed my purse.
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Paper Clutter. I enjoy a clean countertop. What took up the most real estate on my counter was paper. Junk mail, receipts, sticky notes, magazines, old homework, sale ads, and newspapers were piling up. This was not only a DISTRACTION but a stress bomb. My fix? I got a recycling bin and an organization station.
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Tasks are done, stress is gone, or is it?
When the big “tasks” are complete, cortisol levels go back to normal. Everything is fine, right? Not necessarily. Think of a wave approaching the shore. When a wave breaks how does it hit the beach? It crashes. Sand and shells stir and water splashes. It takes time for the water to settle and be calm. Like an ocean, the wave of cortisol might be gone, but our bodies take a lot longer to recover. How do we fix this?
Routines help reduce anxiety, we sleep better, and we are more productive. Let your kids write down what they would like their routine to look like. You can compromise with them to give them a little responsibility and to show trust. Here is a guide to help you and your child achieve their daily goals!
A ‘daily to-do list’ that includes errands and simple things like laundry and walking the dog helps your kid have purpose and importance. Having a to-do list is another great habit to teach your kids. It helps them see what they need to do, and then feel that amazing gratification when it’s time to cross it off the list!
3. Reduce Stress Strategies: Get outside
Getting outside every day for at least 20 minutes does wonders for our mental well-being. This is harder for us parents, but it teaches our kids that nature is their friend. As a parent, force yourself to get outside, even better you’re your kids. Show them how important it is to connect with nature.
4. Know what’s going on in their minds
Cut out (as much as possible) disturbing TV shows and movies, even the news. We know bad stuff is out there, but we don’t need to be reminded of it day and night. News especially freaks kids out. A friend of mine loves the news, however, she had it on all day. She also has two kids who were around the news. As time went on, the kids got afraid to go outside and play.
Reduce stress strategies come into play with what’s on the screen. A big tip is for our kiddos to watch what is right for their maturity level. For our kiddos and TV shows, be wise with what they watch. Their brains aren’t developed to determine what is real or fake. Even if you say, it’s fake, seeing is believing. So unless you can show them how they make movies, keep to the ‘G’ or ‘PG’ ratings, and turn the news off! I highly recommend Protect Young Eyes to help protect our kids.
Wrapping up reduce stress strategies
Putting into practice the right stress strategies takes time. You need to get to know yourself and your kids on a personal level. What makes you/them tick? Taking charge of your stress needs awareness and self-discipline. You got this. Here’s another post about stress you may find helpful: 5 Stress Fighters That Most People Forget About
The benefits of a garden are more than growing pretty flowers and organic vegetables. A garden serves many purposes, but on this particular day, it served a HUGE purpose I didn’t see coming. Walk with me into my garden, this just may be the best-kept secret to peace, gratification, and an anxiety antidote.
The garden draw
There is something about flowers and vegetables growing in your very own garden. The benefits of a garden beam from our yards with vivid colors and luscious greens. The garden is so soothing to the eye, it draws me to be a part of that picture. If my garden looks peaceful, maybe if I go to it, then I will become peaceful?
Let me ask you this: where do you go when your heart is a mess? I hope that place is a haven for you and not somewhere toxic. Our hearts need tenderness and embrace. Whether that be a cozy corner in your home, a decorative closet, or the bathtub for a long soak. Depending on the season, my safe place is my garden.
In 2018 I found myself walking to my garden, but I didn’t go there to do my normal tending of it. I went there to sit in the dirt. I had a troubled heart and felt like dirt, so why not sit in it too? That was my attitude. If you don’t have a garden, don’t think this post isn’t for you. Each and every one of us has and needs a ‘garden’ for gardening, maybe for the sole purpose of why I needed it on this particular day.
Dirt meets dirt
I was completely dumbfounded by how I got myself in this state. Do you remember as a kid when you got in trouble with your parents…the flush of prickly heat bursting from your heart like a firework going off? Yeah. It’s that feeling when you know you really messed up.
Believe me, this wasn’t an easy post to write; in fact, I wasn’t going to write it. But it dawned on me that when my human self learns something hard and valuable, I should probably tell someone…maybe it will help them in some way.
So here it goes. I unintentionally hurt a dear friend of mine. My doing screwed up a valuable friendship. I messed up. Part of me wanted to crawl into a cave, but the other half wanted to go to a place that knew me. So I went to my garden. As I looked over the rows of flowers and herbs I wrestled with scenarios. I tried to foresee the future. I played back my actions. Why did this happen? How did this happen? This came out of nowhere! My identity jolted.
In my garden that day, my gut was a trembling mess. My heart was anxious. I paced the paths and hid my face from my neighbors. As I dug for a tissue I knelt down and stared at the dirt. “Dear God, forgive me. Help me see the root of this action.” I blew my nose, took a deep breath, and got my hands busy. As I plucked little weeds and churned up the soil, layers of thoughts peeled off and exposed the truth. Wow, I didn’t see that coming. How juvenile. We all have our adolescent times, this was one of mine.
What blooms from dirt is beautiful
His presence in the garden that day was strong; there is no doubt Jesus met me where I was. I felt His comfort yet discipline. “What must I do to mend this mishap?” I asked Him. As I walked to the other side of the garden, facing a dripping mess, Jesus’ words “The truth will set you free” squeezed my heart. But I don’t want to tell the truth, I’m embarrassed, I said.
“If it is freedom you seek, the truth will set you free”. After I wrestled with it for about 20 minutes, I dusted myself off and wound up the courage to do just that…tell the truth. What do I have to lose that I already have lost? As soon as I expressed the truth of the matter to my dear friend; my stomach stopped tossing, my mind stopped spinning, and I felt the imprisoned shackles unlock. I exhaled and knew I made the right choice. Thank you.
The benefits of a garden
Gardening is a task where we get our hands busy. Our garden is a place where we can be alone. It is a moment in time when our soul is unguarded, where we can let it free and know it’s safe. A place where we cradled the unique ability our Creator gave us. So what’s your ‘garden’? What place knows you? A woodshop, craft table, mixing bowl, knitting basket, sketch pad, kitchen, garage, where is it?
The benefits of a ‘garden’ no matter what place that is, will take you to peace and resolution. It’s there where we can be raw, where we can lament, and feel safe. It’s the garden that serves as a therapy session, to think through our struggles, to problem solve, and let go of what’s holding us back.
When we’re feeling troubled where do you want to go?
me in my garden
Our ‘garden’ opens her arms. She knows that when we get on our knees, we need her touch. She knows we need to get busy, so little projects present themselves. It’s quiet. We’re focused. As we work, the surface looks brighter. It feels good. But as we move through the ‘garden’ and dig a little deeper we find a few deep-rooted invasives. These weeds have been there a while. Seeds from their fruit are ready to plant themselves. Is that what we want?
The thistles on the stalk pierce our touch. We may step back for a bit, but find that if we gently grab the very thing that hurt us, we’ll then have the power to wrench and wrestle it free.
Our garden understands the pain that comes with breaking free. So she prays. And because our soul is defenseless to her love, we feel the hope she prayed for. It’s within our gardening where tears nourish her beauty. Where truth is told. And where strength might persist. It’s a place to rejoice when we pull the weeds out and plant new life in its space.
Benefits of a garden conclusion
Gardening does more than entertain and strengthen our talents. Our gardens listen, they heal, they comfort. I’ve got some questions for you: What is keeping you captive? When are you going to do something about it? Who do you need to talk to?
I encourage you to visit your special place this week. When you’re there, whisper loud enough for you to hear, and talk about what imprisons your heart. All you’re doing that day is getting the frustrations out. Then revisit your place later in the week. Get your hands busy. And ask God for help. You may not hear anything right away, but as you live your life over the next couple of weeks be aware of your surroundings, and open your senses. He’ll talk to you and give you the answer.
How to navigate life with the cards we’re dealt can be challenging, finding grace in it all may sound nuts. Yet, grace is a big player when it comes to winning. No matter what the situation is, we will get through it if we believe we can. I try to remind myself of that every time a ‘crisis’ rises. But why are we so hard on ourselves when trials surface? Check out these three tricks to playing our cards.
The Hand We’re Dealt: to fold or play?
A few years ago I was talking with my husband about my physical ailments. You see as a kid, my deep desire was to achieve optimal health. I exercised, I ate well, and I wanted to run a marathon. Then the disease kicked in. As a kid I got sick numerous times a year, as a young adult I fracture my hip which has left me ‘run-less’, and later in life, my immune system attacked my digestive health; among other unforeseen troubles, my dream was turning into dust or was it?
As I was going through my list of hurts, my husband said something I’ve heard many times but for some reason, it struck a chord in me that day. He said, “You gotta play the cards you’re dealt.” It was a way of reminding me that I’m not in control, yet to trust the One who is; and that I have a choice to fold my cards or to keep on playing them.
Right now in this post, I’m probably supposed to tell you to not “fold your hand”; but it’s in the folding of our hands where we learn how to play. When we ask God for help in our hardships, He helps us find the right path to run down…if we’re willing to step in that direction. So yes, fold when you have to, not to get out of the game, but to study the game and learn a better strategy.
First: Be good to yourself
Part of the reason challenges are challenges is because we are experiencing uncharted territory in our lives. If we knew how to do EVERYTHING we would have no stress, there would be little pain, and there would be zero challenges. Sounds like a boring life. Problems in life or challenges are a good thing if you look at them with a teaching spirit. Playing the cards we’re dealt involves us looking at life with fresh eyes…our eyes, not the world’s, nor the eyes of your close friends, but our eyes. the eyes God gave us.
Comparing, perfectionism and impatience can throw us way off track. Anger comes to play, then before you know it we blow up we lose sight of how to get through it. God put us on this planet to teach us, to love us, and to get us ready for eternity. One of the ways He demonstrates His confidence in us is through grace. Finding grace may just be what we need to fully see with our eyes the core of our being and to know how to move forward.
What needs to happen: finding grace
There are times when we need to be our own advocates. When it came to my health, our only vessel that gets us around on this planet, I made it my mission to get healthy. With this quest, I tried a lot of things and failed, yet I learned. Today, I’m not where I want to be but I’m not giving up. This is where grace gets dealt into the game. When we’re in a swirl of emotions and super hard on ourselves, it’s critical to get some space to find grace. And it’s there in which all becomes clearer and we get wiser with our decisions.
What ‘grace’ am I talking about? The grace of civility towards ourselves; when we’re going through a rough season, remember to love yourself, not to punish or blame yourself. Be good to yourself, respect your well-being, and understand where you are and where you want to go; because it’s in those moments of grace, where the untangling begins, and where we see what cards to play next. Simply talking to yourself kindly, getting creative, treating yourself to a hobby, taking care of your body, mind, and spirit, and reducing stress will help you experience grace in such a good way.
Secondly: Get in the right mindsetin finding grace
One late August I rediscovered how to wrap myself with a little grace. To transition from a busy summer to the starting of the school year, my family and I went camping. We hooked up the RV (don’t judge me, we got our tent badge years ago) and settled in a wooded campsite. Faint smells of last night’s campfires drifted under my nose, and the quaking leaves and distance boat motors rested on my shoulders. And the canopy of trees comforted my busy head. That weekend I made it a point to go for a walk at least twice a day, not for exercise, but for rest.
As I walked through the sun-beamed shadows my mind went back to my roots. As a child, I played in the woods for hours on end. My imagination soared between the branches. And my energy and creativity flowed with every step I took. It was there where I felt like I could accomplish anything, where I felt strong and confident, and where I felt healthy. And here I was once again in the mindset I needed to continue to take on.
My childhood goal for optimum health gave me a run for my money. My body has confused me over and over; funny how that works. If God wants me to have good health, He’s not going to give it to me on a silver platter. He knows I’m smart. He knows that if I want it bad enough, I’m going to use the abilities He gave me to figure it out. A challenge indeed, but also a way to build character. There must be something He wants me to learn in all this.
With that said, when I face a new challenge with my health, I head to the woods and fold my hands. I can’t stress enough how many times I’ve heard Him speak and direct my path of who I need to talk to next, what to try, or even getting a last-minute appointment. It’s been in my special sanctuary where I get instructions on what cards to play next.
God puts our special place of refuge in each of our hearts. My special place is in the outdoors, walking down a lined path of trees. Yours may be the beach, the mountains, the lake, the prairie, the park, the farm, or the river. Think of where you feel your best in nature, then go there for a dose of grace. You just may find your card strategy in reaching your goals and get a rekindle under your feet.
All in all
The grace you give yourself is what will help you have a winning hand no matter what cards you hold. Don’t underestimate yourself, you have gears you’re not even aware of. Just remember that whatever you’re facing it’s important in finding grace to be good to yourself, Get in the right mindset and have a place of refuge. Most of the time, you just need to look at the cards differently and be creative. All in all, finding grace is all you need to succeed.
Holiday eating is a bittersweet kind of thing. Let’s make the best of it with these 3 Holiday eating tips! First off, what is your approach to Holiday eating? Do you go in with an attitude of “It’s the Holidays I’m diving in!” or are you, “It’s the Holiday, time to deprive myself if I want to keep my figure.” Let me help you enjoy holiday eating without deprivation or gorge. Learn my three essential tactics to eliminate the haunt of guilt and enjoy all your holiday foods.
Is this your holiday eating?
You’re at a holiday party, you made a promise to yourself that you were NOT going to eat very much. You said, “I will not eat the spinach dip; it’s too high in calories.” But after a couple of drinks and peer pressure… come on, you know peer pressure still exists out of high school…temptation wins. However! You’re not headed for the spinach dip; instead, you are headfirst in the hot chicky dip. Before you know it you’re laying on your bed, bloated, asking yourself what just happened.
Friend, you were just deceived by hot chicky dip and you let the opponent kick a field goal. To make holiday eating work for you without depriving yourself of holiday goodness and traditions…not to mention less aggressive New Year Resolutions…you must have a strategy!
Holiday eating a game?
Think of holiday eating as a game. When preparing for any sporting event, yes I just called holiday eating a sporting event, there are a few things serious athletes do to strengthen their game.
1 – They study their opponent, learn its schemes, and beat it at its own game.
2 – They condition for the game. You can’t just run a marathon without training. If you did, you’d burn out a lot faster and have cramping, even injury.
3 – They have a plan, a strategy, to lead them to victory!
My food shame.
I remember one Christmas when I constantly ate. Seriously! I grazed all day long, so much so, that my Uncle said to me, “You’re still eating?” I looked at him as if I got busted with my hand in the cookie jar. Yep, it’s been almost 30 years since then and that comment apparently scarred me.
At the time of this event, I was overweight and stuffing my emotions, not a good time in my life. “If I just have one more handful of Chex Mix…the kind with peanuts and M&M’s…that should complete my feast.” Ha ha ha! I crack myself up like that’s going to happen. The tricky thing about holiday parties is that there is food lying around everywhere! Not just celery sticks and fruit kabobs, but hot chicky dip, Chex Mix, cookies, buckeyes, peanut brittle, and cocktail weenies! Temptation constantly surrounds our senses. What are we to do?
Holiday Eating Tips
#1: Study your opponent.
Your opponent in holiday eating isn’t the spread of delicious dishes. It’s your mind! Your opponent is how you think about food and how that thinking trumps your holiday goals. It’s that space between choice and outcome. Do you want to go into the holidays the same size you come out of it? Do you want to lose weight, gain weight, or just don’t give a rip about your weight? If you don’t care, okay. But if you do care, you will win this game and feel great physically and mentally!
First Advantage
You have a couple of advantages right from the start. The first is that you know your habits. You know what happens when you have a cocktail in your hand or when you get around certain people. Pay attention to what your other hand is doing…reaching for the 7-layer bars?
Second Advantage
The second advantage is that you know your weaknesses. When you walk into the kitchen and see the spinach dip, you know you’ll submit. Hence, spinach dip is your weakness. However, the trick is to weigh your choice. You know that spinach dip has cream cheese in it, a high-calorie ingredient; so you tell yourself you’re going to avoid the spinach dip tonight. So, what are you going to replace it with? You decide to choose the hot chicky dip, after all, you heard spicy foods help you lose weight. So you went to town on it. But wait! Unbeknown to you, hot chicky dip has cream cheese in it too. You just ate 10 times more calories eating hot chicky dip to fill the void of the spinach dip…you gained nothing but weight in that choice.
With this Holiday eating tip, you must know yourself, understand your triggers, and be prepared. Research healthy dips or other appetizers in advance of going to a holiday party. If any dip looks creamy it likely has cream cheese or sour cream in it. This isn’t just a great calorie indicator, but if you’re sensitive to dairy a party full of people isn’t the place to indulge…if you know what I mean.
No, no, no. I know what you’re thinking. You are not going to train as those competitive eaters do. This kind of training involves self-control and understanding what treats are good choices for your particular goal. I’m assuming you want to make smart choices that aren’t going to make you gain weight.
With that said, do not deprive yourself! The more you deprive, the more you will eat something else to fill that hankering. I talked about this in tactic #1. Make a promise to yourself that you will not overindulge. I didn’t say ‘not have any’, I said to not eat more than you should.
To answer that first question, my Holiday eating tips are to put a limit to only having three cracker-fulls of spinach dip. And to eat them SLOW! Enjoy the flavors, just don’t stuff it down. This tip is for those high-calorie apps. Limit the number you have then walk away.
Let me answer the second question for you. Is it worth having two? Five? Ten? NO! It’s not worth eating more. Save those extra calories for another glass of wine or some hot chicky dip. Think portion control.
For the third question, “How are you going to feel after you eat it?” That’s an easy question to answer if you have dietary restrictions. Are you going to feel guilty, defeated, or depressed? What about gassy, bloated, or rumbled with cramps? Again, if you were to ask me, it’s not worth any of those.
Tip #3: Have a plan.
Holiday eating tips #3 is about protein. You’ve probably heard that eating protein and drinking water before you go to a party helps you to not overeat at the gathering. Well, it’s true! Have a bottle of water while you’re getting dolled up. And before you head out the door roll up a few slices of turkey or eat some grilled chicken. Stick to protein. No carbs. You’ll get plenty of those at the party.
Holiday eating goodness.
Okay, that does it for going to a holiday party, but what if you don’t do parties and you just want to get through the holidays feeling great and staying healthy? Good question. This approach starts at least two weeks beforehand. If you can get more weeks under your belt it would be better.
To go with the ‘feeling great and staying healthy’ path, my #1 tip is to create a meal plan and stick to it. Know ahead of time what you’re going to eat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And know what to snack on. Have those healthy snacks in the house so you don’t panic and eat anything you can find. I created a meal plan for you to get ideas off of. You can download it here.
You’ll notice my meal plan isn’t filled with carbs or dairy products, let alone sugar. It’s simple, filled with nutrients, and clean options. This will help rid your body of toxins and put your cravings in check. And always drink lots of water.
Holiday eating doesn’t need to be a curse or a five-pound tradition. By understanding yourself, using portion control, and having a plan you’ll experience a guilt-free holiday season that will catapult you into a fantastic start to the New Year! I hope these essential Holiday eating tips help you feel fantastic.
How to live a drama free life sounds dreamy. But in a world that is dominated by drama; pandemics, racial injustice, a shaky economy, broken homes, and anxiety-filled minds, how do we navigate through all this? Right now is a great time to pull out your secret weapon to fight drama and kick it to the curb. Learn how to access your boxing gloves and how to use them effectively every day. You’ll be surprised how much simpler life gets and more enjoyable.
Mental breakdown
If you look at what’s on TV, YouTube, and in theaters, you wouldn’t be surprised by the health of our world. The shows these days are negative, scary, or full of things I don’t even want to see. Call me old-fashion, but for my mental state of being, I already have a bunch of stuff going on in my head and prefer to put positive things into it. With our daily dose of drama from our kids, spouse, extended family, and even ourselves things can build up and break down. What do we do? First and foremost, say “no” to drugs. I know that sounds funny, but seriously. We can achieve peace without the added side effects.
My go-to for cleaning my head out
When there is too much going on in my head I usually grab a piece of copy paper and write down ALL the things on my mind and categorize them in different departments. This is the first step to a drama-free life. Just do it. Don’t give me or yourself excuses of why you can’t take five minutes and write things out. By doing this, it gives you a visual of what you have going on in there, plus you can strategize on how to tackle it. This technique usually does the trick, but sometimes the unsettledness lingers.
My enlightenment to a drama-free life, who knew?
As I was listening to my daily devotional, the pastor talked about something that helped explain why I was feeling so overwhelmed. It was something I didn’t think of and that’s what I want to share with you.
Personal values do what?
Did you ever think personal values had a role in our serenity? I used to think personal values were like jewels in a black velvet bag; you learn them when you’re young and then carry them around with you. BUT don’t you dare get them out and use them because they’re valuable. Did I sure have that backward!
It had been a while since I opened my bag of personal values. Let’s face it, I’m an adult, and values are taught when we are children, right? Not so, those are morals. Morals are beliefs that are taught to us. Think of morals as “acceptable” acts. Parents usually teach morals to help a child determine what is right and wrong. Personal values come from within; they define what is important to us and help us make the right decisions that align with our hearts. When personal values are used correctly we ultimately experience happiness with our decisions.
Ahem. There is no better time than now to review your personal values. For me and Mr. Silent Chaos, my personal values had to intervene to save the day, along with some Bible verses of course. When our values align with our decisions, life is SO much easier and happier.
How could something so simple have such a big impact?
The first month of the year or around your birthday is a GREAT time to revisit your values. And that’s what I did on my birthday, I took a minute grabbed my values exercise, and reviewed what I wrote down as my core values. During the exercise, I realized some values had changed and that was probably one of the causes of drama. When we understand WHY we’re making certain decisions, we understand ourselves better and can move forward by making the right decision for our sanity.
After my values exercise, my mind felt clearer and cleaner. It felt like getting new running shoes, I was ready to run for hours on end. At this point, I could now go back and look at my paper where I wrote everything down and organized it according to my values.
If you’re at a point where ‘simplifying your life’ sounds like heaven, then sharpen your pencil. Drama isn’t welcome in my home anymore. In fact, if I can keep myself in line with my values and speak God’s word, then the enemy doesn’t have a foothold on me. Fight back with what the Lord put in you, and use your personal values.
“If you watch your life, you’ll be amazed at how many times a week Satan launches an attack against you for the sole purpose of stealing your peace. When I finally saw that, God said to me in my spirit, “Joyce, if the devil wants your peace that badly, then there must be something pretty powerful about being peaceful.”
How to manage depression is something everyone should be aware of. It is not a fun thing to talk about; but we all, at one point in our lives, will feel its slippery slope. It’s an exhausting cycle and at times we just can’t see the top. But how do we climb out once and for all? Learn three surprising ways to manage this uninvited downer.
What is depression actually?
Depression is not a secret, in 2017 there were 17.3 million American adults affected by depression. Depression negatively affects how we feel, the way we think, and how we act. It can last a couple of days, a few months, a handful of years, or a lifetime. It is a perplexing state of not knowing how to shut it off.
For five years+ I suffered from depression due to infertility. To make matters worse I became frustrated during those years because depression was messing with my identity. I felt like I just existed.
People don’t like to talk about depression. But people don’t talk about it enough. These days depression is swallowing up our children, yes children who are already on depression meds. It’s heartbreaking on many fronts.
How does depression happen?
There are a number of factors…too many to list, but usually, it’s when one event piles up after another. We’ve heard social media is a player (or layer) in depression. Jean Twenge, a psychology professor at San Diego State University, says, “It’s not an exaggeration to describe iGen as being on the brink of the worst mental health crisis in decades…it’s largely because of Smartphones.” Social media is a false measure of our identities, she is totally right!
This isn’t just for iGen, it’s happening to other generations. Why? We want to be accepted yet be ourselves and for people to ‘like’ us no matter what. When this happens our values collide. Could this desire alone be the root of all depression?
Depression makes you stronger?
Here’s something I bet you didn’t know: Depression can make you stronger. This post isn’t about how to get through depression or manage Smartphone apps; it’s about what to do with depressionwhen you’re climbing out of it.
Our dark days can either bring strength or weakness; it’s how we see it. Do you know how I said I just existed? I’m going to feel that way. But as I look back, I noticed this period of life wasn’t to hurt me, it was to strengthen me.
When we’ve ‘been there’, we start to see the eyes of people differently. Let me reiterate, depression can make us stronger or weaker by how we use that experience in our life.
Using our troubles to help rather than hide-in produces strength. Our strength in moving forward, in doing more than existing, is having the courage to help people who are going through the same trials we’ve been through. This heals.
3 ways how to manage depression
1- Seek God, seek the Truth
“Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. It is then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is, his good, pleasing, and perfect will” -Romans 12:2.
God is love, He is light. The Romans 12:2 verse gives me permission to step away from the world, its expectations, and false hope; and to instead seek the truth, strengthen myself, and use my experiences to do God’s will for my life. Reading a short daily devotional can help. I recommend Jesus Calling. Reading a study Bible is super helpful. And don’t forget the Bible App which has a lot of great study plans and more.
2- Look for someone who gets it
This isn’t easy. People don’t talk about this stuff. We need to take the first step here. As hard as it is, pursue people who have gone through the same thing and talk with them about it. Talking with someone who ‘gets-it’ brings comfort. This can be scary and vulnerable, but also very healing. If you belong to a church, ask them about a group to join.
If you need more than a conversation with someone, please seek out a professional, but make sure it is someone you trust and who is a follower of Jesus Christ.
One other way to know how to manage depression is to dig deeper into who you are. Your identity matters. There is no better place than to ask your Creator. Pray and stand firm with Ephesians 2:10, For I am God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works that he has prepared for me to do. Listen up, you are valuable. The talents and abilities and the gifts God has given you help shape you and equip you to do some pretty amazing things. Tap into those things. Explore. Find joy.
In John 15:11 Jesus says, “I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.” He’s saying come to me, know me, and I’ll sustain you when adversity hits.
Get your personal values working. Abiding by your personal values will instantly bring you a sense of peace and direction. I have a freebie about how to know your personal values here.
Take better care of your body and understand how the best way for you to manage stress. We will all occasionally be visited by Depression. But at least we know how to climb out a little faster and stronger than we did before.
Depression ain’t no joke. There are many layers of depression, the key is to keep moving forward to heal those layers and revive the core of your existence. Seek Jesus to navigate through this season. He loves, he heals, and he has equipped you to stand firm in the faith. Have hope friend, and continue to go after it, for HOPE will get you through step by step.
The only way to change is to change. If you want to feel better and lose weight then grab these tips for weight loss. Here’s the thing, weight loss doesn’t have to be hard or depriving. Set yourself free and become who God made you to be. I have a simple philosophy that will bring you inspiration; plus it’s backed up by science. Simply put: TAKE. IT. SLOW. Remember the saying, ‘nothing changes if nothing changes’. Read about my four game-changing tips that change you without feeling like a change.
4 Tips for Weight Loss
Changing the diet isn’t something I could do cold turkey. In fact, I’m allergic to turkey! Hence the going slow part. The most successful thing with ‘change’ without feeling like it’s a change is to take it slow. With a gradual approach, you’re more likely to stick with it for longer… if not forever! Chris Kresser uses the words, “shrink the change“.
#1: Weight loss Tip #1: Go Gradual
The trick to losing weight is to eat a healthier diet so the body can clean out the bad stuff, call me Sherlock-Homes. I repeat, taking a gradual approach gives your body time to adjust and not be shocked. If you lose weight too fast, it could backfire and you’ll be headfirst in the bag of cheese puffs…not to mention gain even more weight! The cool thing about gradually reducing the bad stuff, like sugar, is that your body will start to crave healthier foods. You’ll feel better and the sugary snacks will start to taste bad. Interesting, eh? The bottom line is that our bodies will feel better with cleaner foods and they’ll want more of that awesome clean energy. Stick to simple ingredients and ingredients you understand.
Tip #2: Awareness is key!
Awareness. Sugar was my number one weakness. It still is, but I’m now aware of my consumption and I know my limits. When I adjusted my intake of the sweet stuff I finally understood the ‘less is more’ philosophy. My taste buds became more content and my body was a happy human. Did you hear that? I didn’t give up sugar completely, I just cut back immensely. Toxic foods can do a number on our bodily systems; in other words, inflammation. I wrote a short ebook on digestion and what things might trigger our inflammation. Once we remove the trigger, the inflammation heals. Check it out here: Triggers and What to do for IBD.
What’s for lunch?
Back in the day of wanting to lose weight, I would only eat a salad for lunch. It contained greens, Romaine lettuce, cherry tomatoes, and maybe fresh broccoli. I didn’t have any protein or cheese. Just veggies. I chose whatever salad dressing sounded good, however, I would dip my fork in the dressing before I stabbed a helping of lettuce. Not too shabby of a lunch; but for me, it didn’t hold me over, which led to a Snickers Bar in the afternoon, and then a hefty snack after work. Can we say blood sugar on the fritz?
The small change I made was to add protein to my salad in the form of lean protein, I’m not talking cheese or other dairy products; but things like nuts, eggs, or grilled chicken. At lunch, I still aim to have more greens than protein, yet with a little protein.
Eatingwell.com
Tip for losing weight #3: Know your body
Know your body. If you need protein, get protein with every meal. Whether it’s nuts, clean meat, or low-fat dairy (if you can tolerate it) make sure you get enough protein into your diet. If you don’t, you’ll be hungry all the time and your blood sugar will yo-yo. Let me reiterate, protein helps you feel satisfied longer, it gives you energy, and need I say meat is an excellent source of B12, B6, zinc, and iron to name a few?
A little bit more about protein
Protein builds muscle mass, and it’s especially good after a workout. Add a little vitamin C to the mix and you’ve got a digestive helper and a helping hand at iron absorption. Listen up! The meat won’t make you fat unless it’s highly marbled or fatty; you also want to keep in check your portions. Choose lean beef, grilled chicken, grilled or baked fish, nuts, legumes, eggs, or pork loin. Don’t be scared to add it to your diet or your salad. Remember portion control is king.
Okay, okay, okay…you’re at work and can’t make lunch. That’s okay! You have a couple of options for a healthy clean lunch; the most obvious is to make it the night before. The other is to choose simple, limited-ingredient dishes when eating out. For instance, a 100% beef burger without the bun paired with a side of steamed veggies or a cup of clear broth soup, is a great lunch. It’s not heavy in carbs (bread or pasta) and it’s high in protein. You can also opt for an “unwich”, a sandwich without the bread. I eat this all the time but use lettuce instead of bread. Some people use a gluten-free wrap. Turn the sandwich inside out…lettuce in the center and lean ham for the wrap. If you want this weight loss thing to work, you need to be prepared and stay on point. Pack ahead or have a plan when eating out.
Think ‘simple’ when at a restaurant and think portion control! As for drinks, you know what I’m going to say…water without ice. Hey, it may be a little boring, but your body will be quieter and happier. You may not even need to drink water with your meal. Too much aqua with food will cause a lot of vitamins to flush through your system, plus it will take longer to digest the yum yums.
Your body is a temple, keeping it clean and feeling great is an amazing way to show God you love Him and thank Him. I hope you found these tips for losing weight helpful. Remember to take a gradual approach, be aware of what you’re eating, know your body, and be prepared. You got this if you want it. Keep moving forward!
19 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.
